Wristbands

I look over and see her.

And I see what I have always wanted.

This person that cares about me, that wants me to be happy, that I have the ability to make happy. But as with everything in my life there are massive complications. There are so many things that prevent me from taking what I want in this situation. And though I have accepted that it makes me feel a little lost some times.

How to stay grounded?

How to keep in mind all the time that I am loved by someone, and that that someone is out there and real. because sometimes these moments with her feel like dreams.

She gave me some wrist bands once. Little jellies like you would wear when you were a kid. At work I would feel them or notice them. And my heart would revel in those moments of soft kisses and held hands. Simple little things that mean the most. And then, then came the health department. And the guy told me to take them off, and I put them in the pocket of my pants. Pants that I took off at the end of the shift and threw into the laundry basket. Pants that I didn't really think that I would see ever again.

It has been a long couple of weeks.

I haven't seen her as much as I would like. I have be buster broke. I haven't spent to much time with friends. My days off have been alone in my apartment watching tv. And I miss my kids more than anything.

I was drifting.

Feeling that disconnect.

Like I was somehow fading into the background.

I think there are a lot of people that this happens to. A lot of people that one day wake up and realize that they are no one, that they are no where. That work - sleep - eat - work - sleep is their life and that there is nothing else past that. I try to write, or to read, or to do music so that I don't fall into this, but sometimes that just becomes part of the invisible routine too. And then at work I reached into the pocket of my pants. And there they were.

Wristbands.

The same ones. On a day when I needed connection to life, and reality, more than anything else they were there to remind me of a life that I almost have. Of the fact that there is something that I still long for. That there is always something worth fighting for, and that love is an amazing motivator.

I needed that.

I needed to be close and I got that too.

I'm never taking these things off again.

File under Virtue.