"Thus says the Lord God to these bones 'Behold, I will cause breath to enter you that you may come to life. I will put sinews on you, make flesh grow back on you, cover you with skin and put breath in you that you may come alive; and you will know that I am the Lord."
- Ezekiel 37:5-6
There have just been a few to many days where I feel that aching dryness. A few to many of them strung in a row. And when they string together like that you can't help but feel drained.
Words haven't helped.
And paryers haven't helped.
No matter how many books you read on God's love you can't always feel it.
No matter how many notes you pass is class, sometimes you are still wanting another "yes" box checked.
And when those days get like that I feel this restless wandering come over me. This need to walk and pursue and look for adventure. You know what they say, "Wander about make a lot of noise and know that I'm God." Oh wait, it is, "Be still and know I'm God." I remember now. Why am I so fucking bad at doing that? At being still knowing that He loves me, that my friends love me, that there is a single person that loves me more than I can ever really fathom. Why are we all bad at that?
I constantly seek.
Constantly strive.
Never still.
Never really at peace.
Even as I read Thomas Merton telling me about the joys of solitude, and that even though the monastic life is a life of separation it is also a life of coming closer to your fellow man. Even though I'm seeing the fruits of that in the relationships that I'm building, and in my attitude towards the random passerby. Even though I understand all of that and practice it to a lesser or greater extent. Even though, I still find myself stumbling on the need from movement. For adventure. For action. Something must always be going on. And that is a failing. One that makes me human, and that will probably never go away, but a failing none the less, and that, for some reason, drives me nuts.
But the funk was at least a weekend.
And then God decided that I had had enough. Prophecy. He breathes through those around me.
These dry bones knit together again.
Thank God for kind words placed at the right times by people that love Him.
Siempre. Gracias.
File under Vice (because sometimes I just have to mope).
3 comments:
Mope away, mi amor. You are allowed to feel ALL emotions; not just the sparkly ones.
Adventure is not a bad thing. It can exist in a cubicle or on a mountain top. Live adventerously unapologetically. You were given a spirit of power- not timidity.
T
Sometimes I just forget to be quiet and listen to God. You know when you get to the top of the mountain, or cubicle, what do you do then? Sit still and enjoy, that is what I have been bad at lately.
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