In the back seat of a car, in the dark of a theatre.

She leans her head on me.

Wearing my coat.

Gently takes my hand and I sleep.

If I had three kids piled in my bed I know that I could sleep right now. I know that because every time they are close I'm so comfortable I can shut my eyes and just fade into the brilliant nothing. They make me feel safe and loved, and full of hope.

I know that if you were right here with me I could do the same.

I feel you lean over.

Subtle fingers just hold my hand.

Nothing more.

Nothing less.

I should have a mind running a million miles an hour. But for the first time in months. Just peace. We both sleep and an hour seems like moments. And then I have to walk away again. Into a place that isn't my home. And a life that I don't understand most of the time anymore.

I wish...

...but it does me no good.

I think I'm going to put on my jacket and sit outside. Smoke a cigarette or three. Drink another glass of wine and try to sleep.

I don't have a hand to hold. A soft goodnight. Or a gentle kiss to send me on my way. But maybe, just maybe I will be able to make it happen tonight. Maybe the magic of these words, alcohol and reggae, reggae music will be enough.

In this world you are miles away. In my heart we are leaning close and holding hands. And right there sleep is so easy that I would do it on a regular basis.

If only things were easy.

But they aren't. But when you tell me you want to be around me. And when you tell me that you want to be around the kids. Just so you can know what it is like, and I break open a little bit. I want to hold you so close. And when you put your hand on my chest and lean your head on my shoulder, while I hold the youngest in my lap, and the oldest' hand, and I want that life.

I know things are never perfect.

But that moment was.

And I know I don't get that life.

But that moment was.

I'll take what I can get.

And that isn't a cop out. That is a true fact. That if this is all I get ever, was a few moments. Even just these two, it will have been worth it. And that if I never got another moment like them again, though bittersweet, I would be happy. And that isn't something that I am to often any more. I'm glad I get to sneak a moment with my V. here and there.

File under momentary Virtue.