Easy...

Its easy to sit and write about love.

Or about drinking. Smoking. Being a terror.

But there is something that blocks me from writing about the kids. There is this sense that if I don't think about them when they aren't around that it won't hurt as bad. I miss them so much. Going from working my whole life around them, to seeing them like once a week. It kills me some days. Today as I watched the sun come up over the horizon I only wanted two things, to wake up b., and V. and have them come and sit and watch it with me. There are some benefits to never sleeping.

There is something inside of me that needs a change.

I need to see the outside, to work with my hands, to remember.

Remember that there is more to this world than making money, and pleasing other people. Remember that the simple moment laying in the grass with her watching the sun glinting off of a lake can be the most perfect and beautiful moment. To remember that those three kids love me still, and that once I have a place they will see me, and they will not forget that their father, and their Father love them.

Today is my last day in Gre. (at least as a resident). Den. beckons me with its promise of opportunity and hope, and maybe on some nights home. I don't know that it will be easy. Or that I will know my way around this new life. But I will never get lost again.

My merciful God has allowed me to wander this far, feeling unwanted, and unloved. How wrong I was.

How wrong I was to think I'm unloved.

I see it in her eyes.

I feel it in the laying on of hands, that is my kids dog piling me.

I see it in the sky today.

We are made in His image, and He made us something good.

Now we need to clean up what we dirtied.

File under Virtue.