Pentacostal Winds and Ball Gags

"There are lions outside of my fucking windows."

-Ja.

I hate the wind.

I hate getting sand in my eyes, and riding my bike in it, and how it is impossible to light a cigarette, and how it is cold and that idiotic feeling you get when you can't figure out how to fly a kite.

I hate wind.

But today. Today was different.

Today the wind was still a bastard. But as I was walking from one place to another I took a second. I closed my eyes and turned my face into it. I felt that wind. Let is brush against my face, and really felt it for the first time in a long time. I still hate the wind, but that moment of sensation I took in as best I could. And I did it for Ja.

He has an unpronounceable nerve condition that makes his face light up with Hades fire, and Zeus lightning some days. And when the wind hits his ears, it is agony. I've seen one of the toughest bastards I know nearly fall, like a gimp with a ball gag put in his place, at the soft caress of a breeze.

I want to say that I have empathy for what he is going through, but there is no way that I can ever fully understand what he is going though.  I can only ache that I am unable to change things for him.  I can only pine for healing for him.  I can only reach out to The One, and then turn my face into the wind.

The wind that I hate for both of us now.

The wind that I try to be content in for both of us.

Go to hell wind.

File under Virtue.

4 comments:

J. said...

S&M!!!

Gabe said...

A+

J. said...

Thank you for standing in the wind for me. someday i will stand there with you again, not in pain and made whole. it is so real i can not explain that when you stand in the wind you pray for me. thank you

Gabe said...

I understand fully. Because the heart leads there, not the words.