"One Day The Water Is Going To Wash It Away"

Shadow am I!

Like a suspicion that's never confirmed but it's never denied

Wolf am I!

No, "shadow"

I think is better,cuz

I'm not something

more like the absence of something

So Shadow am I!

mewithoutYou

Fuck these thoughts.

Fuck that nagging suspicion that I have very little worth. That no one can see that I'm a human being that has value beyond what I can pay them, or what I can do for them. I say fuck it all.

A part of me wants to walk away from life.

Check out with the girl of my choice, my kids and gas money, and light out to the territories.

But fuck that.

Fuck the world dictating to me what my value is. When I'm down, let them kick me some more. Let them beat me till I'm pulp so I can cough blood on them screaming, "You don't know where the fuck I have been." Let them try to kill me, let them just fucking try!

I wish I could just face them head on. Not with words and bill pay arrangements. But with blows and acts of martial violence. How much more sense would the world make to me that way? But I don't have that liberty. Instead I'm taken to task by a world that I don't get, and don't really want to get. And my only option is to completely check out from the world and become some insane hermit/freeman on land fortified by guns and razor wire.

But that doesn't work when you have three kids that you love, and that you want to see live good lives. Hopefully even normal lives.

Fuck it, I'll just write about it.

Knowing full well that I have worth.

And that at least a few people see me as more than a pay cheque.

File under Virtue (angry, angry Virtue).