One day we will be free of this world. I for one can not wait.
Thank God there is someone there to catch me when I'm about to really lose it.
You all know who you are. And You know who you are.
Now where is that dead body I told you I was willing to bury.
Now where is that person I told I was willing to wait for.
Now where is that friend that never gives up on me.
Now where is that smiling child that still loves her dad.
Now where is that one, not the One, but that one.
Oh...
You are all right there. You are right there.
Thank fucking God.
I really thought I was lost for a little bit. I really did. It got a little dark in the hallway, and the edges of my vision got a little black around the edges. That sickening space where you are almost positive that you are going to pass out. It is the edge. And today I don't want to push it anymore (I can not vouch for tomorrow though, tomorrow is kind of a fucker like that). Today I want to see if I can find sleep like a normal human being. Today, I want to curl up next to a good book and a warm body. Today I want normalcy, sort of, I mean normalcy for me, not for the rest of the suckers out there.
Sister Falconer, I think I'm back now. And I think I'm done trying to swindle the good people of this town out of their booze and loose women (at least to curtail the habits of the lesser man inside of me a bit). I think it is time I got back to being myself. I think it is just time I got back. Thank you for showing me the light.
File under Vice (For Reasons That Are Intentionally Left Blank).
8 comments:
Fuck you....
I did not show you the light. It was there with you the entire time. I just helped you along the way. That is how you and I are, we take care of each other. We will find our "normalcy" together.
And yes I am here, eternally.
The loose women of this town are ugly.
T
- Come now Da. that seems harsh. You can't possibly mean that.
- S.F. thank you my Bella (I'm already sucked in).
- Tell me about it. You know a chick is ugly when you are drunk and she is still ugly. Remind me to tell you that story sometime To.
G. You need to confess to Ja :) If you haven't already. haha
Not until you surprise him with fear! LOL!
friend, fellow saint and sinner, i know the ways. it is funny because my disorder teaches me so much. like you said as much as you know you don't Know. and i, as much as i love and feel i know you, do not Know. i do not know the boy underneath the dragon skin. but the One does. i think i have seen him and hung out with him but i do not know him. someday we will all know each other even as we are fully known. someday the peace of community shame and community grace will envelope us all in sinners heaven. where every man is brother and every woman sister. now it is though in a mirror when one day it will be face to face. i would punch you in the face but i can not see it. i can not see you. someday i will and trust me i expect you to punch me as hard as you can in the right side of my face. i want you to swing so hard new nebulas are formed by the force of your blow and the real alive face of the One pain i feel can be the star at the bright center. and i will repay you be hitting you so hard there is implosion and you can sink sweetly into the arms of the One, disappearing in the folds of its grace.
I can't wait for that day. I can't wait for the day when it is all gone, and we all just have each other. Let us Saints and Sinners be damned the glory that is true community.
That is why we are here, in this one spot.
That is why I know that the people reading this mean something to me.
That is why I can wait. That is why I can love. That is why I can live through all the shit storm and come out the other end like Christ from the tomb. For the first time I truly understand death with the One, into life with the One.
There will still be Vice. But I think I can still find my way.
Post a Comment