Sleep should be an easy sell for me right now. But it isn't.
Instead I find myself on the cusp of some kind of epiphany. Or possibly a breakdown.
I'm in desperate need of a kind of psychic bloodletting. Words need to come tumbling out of my head and make their way into my fingers and then somehow into the computer. But for once I'm almost at a loss for what to write about. There was a great moment of balancing and cleansing this weekend. And when booze was thrust upon me I was inclined to say no. A strange moment for me (so strange in fact that I forced the issue to the tune of one Mickey's Barrel). But I came out the other end only a witness to depravity instead of the victim.
And now I feel dry and devoid of interesting anecdotes.
The moment of truth has come for me.
I will sit and I will write.
And I will see how long it takes before I'm forced to either drink or sleep. Or potentially chase loose women in my dreams. Or worse. One can always hope for worse.
Fucking 2 AM!
Why will you not let go of me.
File under Vice.
5 comments:
Hopefully its the edge of an epiphany and not the other. I am so proud of you. I didn't mean to lecture you about taking care of yourself. Just do what is right for G.
PS. I am totally up for robbing banks. :)
When i logged in today, i got scared.
I thought, "Christ! 3 entries? Oh no!"
But I am glad I took time to read them all.
Here's my thought. Bonnie shouldn't hope, but rather claim the epiphany. Because thats what it will be.
If you were going to breakdown, you'd have done it by now. Keep surrounding yourself with friends and goodness.
Most important... at 2am... read a Psalm. David was a total asshole but he knew how to say "it". Psalms is like the blogspot of the B.C.'s!(I don't know if thats cheesy or genius yet.)
Regardless, take heart in the words of a great lyricist of whom I am obsessed with right now:
"Count it a blessing that you're such a failure. Your second chance may never have come!" - David Bazan
:-D depravity - i was close - it would have been truly depraved if after the cool of the tile on my face i revived enough to go home and drink some more, glad i didn't. it's nice to know somehow i think my obliteration helped keep you from the edge that night. can you imagine if we both had had our share of mickey's, guiness, sailor jerry's, and neuropathic inhibitors? (i would have shared with you in the state i was in) that would have been a path of destruction. i am glad you wound up eating eggs instead of needing help taking your boots off like i did.
anyway, on to 2am. i believe simply it is this. the One needs people like us, we are the 1%'ers of the kingdom, the 2am rabble. it's how we roll. if the One needs somethign dangerous said or done the One doesn't normally call the 10am brother or sister. the One calls us. the One knows us, knows we are 2am kinda cats and we are good. who knows maybe one day the One will need us to be something different but for right now we serve a purpose. at least this past saturday you rocked the house and kept me from being arrested. me - i kept the mickeys brand malt liquor in business. - writing illegally at work - j
Hooray for illegally writing from work.
Totally stealling the 1% idea. Just so you know.
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