So D. has a boyfriend. And I discovered that the hard way. As I went to meet my friends I decided to go early in the vain hope that I would bump into the girl who had been so attentive (a theme for me today I fear), had touched me without making me cringe (I hate physical contact),
and who had been intelligent to me. Well of course as is the way with things she wasn't there. So I mentioned it to the bartender. You know something along the lines of, "I was kind of hoping that one waitress would be here.""Which one," he responds.
"Um...D.," hesitating, pretending like I have to ransack my brain to remember her name, so that I don't look like a tool, even though I had actually spent time memorizing her name because she had been all of those things to me, and the next time I saw her I wanted to impress her with the idea that she had made an impression on me.
"Yeah, she's my girlfriend, she is awesome." Insert balloon deflation sound. Seriously what can you say in that situation. So I made some kind of comment that I wasn't going to try to move on his girlfriend, even though if I think about it honestly I am the kind of person that would totally do that. I pursue the things that I want, and have a tendency to not let go of an idea once I have latched onto it. Some times that is a good thing. Sometimes that is a really terrible thing.
So I sit and read, and then she walks in. And of course I do nothing. I read and wait for my mates, because I don't want to look like a total douche bag. And frankly I'm a little embarrassed. Not a feeling that I like to have.
So F. and S. come and we begin to have our normal Wednesday chat. And I can't stop thinking about the fact that I have been duped, not by anyone other than myself of course, but duped none the less. I talk to F. and S. about it at length and S. comes up with a brilliant revelation, "Sir," he says, "You have been cock blocked by God, and you should just let it go."
He is right of course, the last thing that I need right now is to even think about women, because let's face it, I'm not so good at determining who is and isn't a good fit for me when it comes to relationships. I see these women who are attractive and intelligent, and then go in with them, and find out that they are bat shit insane. Not a pleasant ordeal to say the least.
But in spite of the wisdom of S.'s comments, I can not let go of the idea. Obviously, because I'm still writing about it, like 10 hours later. But there is more to this tale, why wouldn't there be. This wouldn't be an exciting post if there weren't more.
So I have to take a piss, and walk to the back right past her, and watch her head turn to watch me go by. And I catch a smile in the corner of my eye (that may be my imagination, but I like to think that kind of sappy bullshit sometimes). On the way back, she asks me as I'm walking by, "How are you tonight?"
"I'm well, thank you," still walking.
"How are you tonight? Oh shit, I just asked you that twice."
Walking stops, "It's OK, I'm still well. In the three feet I have traveled I'm still doing just fine." (Swear to Christ I was actually that quick on my feet, sometimes that shit only happens in my head hours later).
Then she starts to talk to me. Conversation happens. With her and I and her boyfriend, but mostly with her and I, because her guy isn't a part of the equation for me at this point. I sit and talk to her for 15 minuets. Then go back to my table, and then when we go to reconcile our ticket we do the same thing. Chat. For a while, a long while.
And she says kind things to me.
And she pays attention to me.
And I can't stop thinking about it.
And that is some bullshit.
Because today, she isn't thinking about me.
File under Vice.
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