Carnal Relations

My past love life isn't epic, so much as it is storied.  There haven't been a lot of them.  But there have been interesting ones.

From the eight year marriage that just dissolved, to the one who relished my more charnal lusts, to the one that I was pitted against more as pugilist than partner, to the one that broke my heart for the first time.  And out of that what have I learned.

I like the attitude, but I roll.  And the attitude doesn't want me to roll all the time.

Sometimes the attitude wants a little bit back.  But instead of being honest and open about what is in my mind, my attitude, I just hold until I explode.  I hate loss and I hate conflict, and I will avoid it at almost all costs with someone who is important to me.  If I don't know a person, conflict is no problem.

So where should I take this.  Should I be more up front with new people about my more misanthropic tendencies.  Or should I continue to roll.  I'm thinking that I need to be a little less quick to compromise my self for someone else.  I just need to find a life that allows me to live.  And if someone can be a part of that.  Then so be it.  If they can't well they can bugger themselves.

It is a bit selfish, but sometimes I have to do that I think.

File under Vice?