City Fragments.

"Do we know what we are doing and why?"

"No."

"Do we care?"

"We'll work it out as we go along. Let our practice form our doctrine, thus assuring precise theoretical coherence."

-

The room is cool in the morning, for the first time in a while.

The fan is on and my arm is exposed.

Me. is saying something to me that I don't fully hear but I roll over in bed to listen. I know that my arm is cold so with a grin I wrap it around her body. She squeals and tells me it is too cold. But there is that smile and that giggle in her voice.

The arm stays.

We wake and move around the apartment. She is getting ready for her day, I'm getting ready for mine off.

She asks if I will walk her to her can, and I do. I look around and she mentions that Autumn is here. I think to myself, "Soon." And express the sentiment out loud. Then I look. The leaves on trees are starting to turn and I realize that soon is now.

That this Autumn will be my Spring.

Right here in this city...

Not to many months ago I would see a father with his children and be brought nearly to tears.

It isn't as bad as all of that anymore. I see them consistent enough, that I don't feel s big of void. I don't feel like weeping every time I see a kid on his dad's shoulders. And I've been having time with them one on one, something that I haven't had in such a long time.

Took a. to the football game and as the sun was going down in the stadium we were side by side. Father and son. And as the ribbon of the highway wrapping around the stadium began to light up with head lamps I remembered the magic of this city with my father.

Those nights when we would be returning from Den. and I would tell my dad, "I'm gonna live there someday."

I hope that the peace and joy I felt with my dad is present with my son.

This city...

She is in bed with me and she says soto voce, "I would live in the city. I like living here. I just wanted to move between the two cities because of my job, but I want to stay in the city."

She plans so far ahead that it boggles my mind sometimes, and this statement kind of surprises me because we have talked about moving to one of the middle ground cities so many times already. I make sure that she isn't just saying it because she thinks that it is what I want. She assures me that it isn't.

I'm surprised but very happy because as much as I wouldn't mind moving, I love this city...

I keep sewing up this pair of my shorts.

At first it was because I didn't have enough to buy a new pair. Now it is because I just don't want to spend the money, and I don't want to waste the pants. Too often we just throw away everything. I don't want to dispose of them because I know that I can still use them. And I finally live in a place where the stares are minimal.

I'm not the only one here with a patch on the ass of his pants. Because I'm not the only one that struggled to survive here. For all I know I may end up struggling again, but I welcome the challenge.

They don't stare in this city like the do where I come from...

The leaves are turning.

And I long for wilderness. Not the open fields and hot sun of the Eastern Plains. I long for forests and rivers. The edge of Clarion Cemetery calls me. This fearful wonderland of childhood. I craved adventure and this city seems to provide it.

File under Virtue.