This is my last week at this job, and I'm still wondering what the hell I'm going to do.
I haven't found "regular work" and nailing down freelance stuff is a little complicated, but I'm still working on it. And yet I feel so stuck, so held down to everything.
J. moved back in with her parents this weekend, and I can't even muster the strength in a conversation to bitch and moan about it. I've stopped caring about her on a profound level and know that I have my own shit to deal with that is probably just as fucked up. I'm crawling on craigslist everyday in the hope that something will show up that I can just jump right into, but so far nothing.
I need to sit and do a resume, I need to start running all over town turning in applications, I need to, I need to, I need to...
But there is this inerta, that I can't seem to overcome. There is this sitting here in my seat that I just can't seem to get over. There is this horrible sensation that I will not be able to thrive. I know that I can make it, that I can survive, but then I worry about the kids, and the apartment, and everything. And it begins to paralize me. It is like I have this fear of not being able to make it that is so significant that it paralizes me into inaction.
I need to get over it.
There is a job up today that I have technically already applied for, but I'm going to go in today and remind them that I did. Tell them that I'm willing to take any pay, just tell them that I will do the job no matter what they want from me.
That is my plan.
I need to.
File under Virtue.
No comments:
Post a Comment