It is hard to keep my head amidst all of this.
This morning I'm on my way to work and Sam Jackson is singing. And I'm thinking to myself, "I'm not lost without her love. I know how to move forward. I know what the fuck I'm doing. I'm the winner in this. I'm not the one floundering about with someone new already."
I was confident.
So confident that the title of this post was, "Not Lost." Then work distracted me, and I didn't finish today.
Then some of this shit that is going on hit me hard.
I got home and J. is preping for her date. She takes B. for a hour to do some shoping then disappears into the bathroom to get ready.
She comes out dolled up.
It is like a slap in the face. Because I just don't know what to think. I'm still atracted to her. But I know how fucking psychotic this whole thing has gotten.
She can't move out soon enough.
I will be glad to actually have a chance to move on.
Fuck it all today.
I feel lost.
File under Vice.
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