Pops

He will call when you least expect it. And he is usually saying something that is important. Or at the very least profound. He loves me, because I am his son, but sometimes it is hard to listen to what he has to say to me.

I know that he has been through what I am going through right now. I know that because I was there for it. But I also know that he was the one that lived on his own. And I was the only kid. I'm not saying he abandoned me, don't take that the wrong way. I'm just saying that even though he has been through a divorce. A lot of the things that I'm going through are different.

But even when it is hard I listen. Because I know that there is wisdom there. I know that there is age, and life well lived there. And I wouldn't be doing that bad if I ended up like my father. Not that I'm particularly striving for that. I think I fancy myself a bit of an "artist." I couldn't work at his job for 30 years like he has. We are different. But what is even better, is that he respects that.

He hates J. right now. And I think I can understand that. Some days I hate her too. But if I think about how bad it would be for me if I had to go through B's. divorce. I can't imagine that I would hold together to well under those circumstances. But I can't help him, or change his mind when it comes to that. He can think whatever he wants about J., I'm going to do my best to not meddle in her life, or even really to bother with caring to much. We were supposed to come out of this as friends, but I don't think either of us really knows what that is supposed to mean.

I'm just trying to let go of all of it. And I'm trying to understand what it means to be a single parent, and an ex-husband, and an eligible bachelor (though I think having kids technically negates "bachelor"). They are all things that are new to me. I've been single before, but not like this. I want to date, not to find a soul-mate at this point, but just to figure out how to do it. I don't think I've ever really dated anyone. Not the way normal people do. (See fantasy posted below).

But I'm interested in seeing what that is like.

And honestly it is because I talked to my dad. And he gave me the, "You will live through this," line.  And even though that sunk in a while ago. It is always good to hear it from someone who has lived through it.

File under Virtue